addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
