things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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