i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
