But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
