wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
