i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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