i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
