I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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