Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
