I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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