Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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