woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
