she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
