I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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