I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
