pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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