Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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