think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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