Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't turn off my feet"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
