I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
