Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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