ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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