Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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