Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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