I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize