went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
