I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize