i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
