I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my shit smells like andre
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
