I feel great
I just peed on a car
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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