Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
