if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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