did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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