why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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