Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Where is the hickey?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
