I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
