You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Acid is not a monday night drug
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
