somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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