That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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