at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Come on in and take your pants off
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