i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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