I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
