Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
