If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We need to get me chipped asap
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
