So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
