is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
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It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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