I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
