What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
please come you make the beer taste better
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
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The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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