my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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