we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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