If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
