the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
