did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
