No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
