sorry about calling you the devil all night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
