the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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