I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my sisters under your porch take her home
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
