I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize