her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
