I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
