as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
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you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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