judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
